Trusting God

That verse makes me cry every time I read it. With everything that happened to Job in a matter of minutes...he fell to the ground and worshiped God!

Our pastor preached a wonderful message the other day about Job. He said God was showing him off to the devil because He was proud of him.

Well, even though what Kevin and I are going through cannot hold a candle to what Job went through...I do feel like God must be showing us off a bit...

March 24:

Okay...I'm holding tight to the promise that Jesus won't put more on us than we can bear. I guess Jesus knows I am stronger than I think I am...

Monday I was turning into my work when I looked into my rear-view mirror and seen a car coming fast...I had no time to react when I heard a loud pop, opened my eyes and seen I had ended up in the car lot down the street.

I am alright (sore...very sore...and bruised)...but very blessed to have come out of it with nothing serious...my car was not so blessed. The whole back end of my car is in the back seat and that piece ripped up on the right is where I put my gas in...yikes...I had just filled up :-( The woman who hit me is okay too.

I was taken by ambulance to the hospital where they took x-rays and said nothing was broke and gave me instructions to see my primary physician at the end of the week for a follow-up.

Called my doctor that I have been seeing for over 20 years and they won’t see me. They don’t take motor vehicle accident insurance...but they would see me if I could pay for it myself. Well since I have been off all week without pay (used all my leave for Kevin’s surgery) that’s not an option for me.

So I called my orthopedic doctor because I have 3 ruptured discs in my neck (2 fixed and 1 not)and my neck and shoulders are really bothering me...and he won’t see me at all. They won’t touch motor accident victims with a ten-foot pole.

So I have been trying to call this woman’s insurance company all week...left a ton of messages and no one will call me back. I left them a message that all I need is a release from any doctor to go back to work and I need a car to go back to work. Still won’t call me back :-(

Also, Kevin did not do well with his chemo this week. Made him sick and very fatigued. We have been a pair this week trying to take care of each other :-)

All of it combined with the frustration of trying to get hold of a human at her insurance company has been more than I thought I could stand...but God knows me better than anyone and He must know something I don’t. He promised He would work all things out for my good, that He would never leave me or forsake me, and that He has me graven in the psalms of His hands. God is in control! Knowing all this...I would still appreciate your prayers. It’s been a rough week...make that a rough 2 weeks :-(

April 6:

Kevin is on another round of chemo, so prayers are appreciated for his strength. Great news! His CEA (tumor markers) went down to 199 from 406!

His Celebration of Life party went very well. The picture below is of Kevin and his Dad and Step-Mom at his party on the 26th. Kevin looks good...doesn't he? You can tell he had been off chemo a couple of months in this picture.

My promise:

"Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the LORD shall be thy reward.

Then shalt thou call, and the LORD shall answer; thou shalt cry, and he shall say, Here I am...." Isaiah 58:8-9

April 8:

Last time it came out slowly...we were not prepared for it to fall out on his second treatment...all we had was his beard trimmer. Took us most of the evening to buzz the rest off :-)

As we laughed...and cried a little...we discussed how thankful we are that we are in good Hands and that He must have been very busy subtracting Kevin's number of hairs :-)

The picture above is Kevin and our oldest granddaughter at his Celebration of Life party on March 26th. Can you tell she's a PaPa's girl?

April 14:

Kevin had another attack last night. He hadn’t had one since his surgery and we were hoping that the surgery had taken care of it. We had just sat down at church when it hit him. I managed to get him out to the car and was rushing him to the hospital again when it eased up and he made me turn around and take him home.

Many people at the church and our pastor had gone straight to prayer and I know that is what made the difference. I would appreciate your prayers that whatever is causing these attacks would be taken care of. Don’t know if it is the chemo or the Neumaga shots he’s on again or if it’s his liver...just know seeing Kevin doubled over in pain and crying is heartbreaking.

Kevin seemed fine this morning so all is well again. I also wanted to update you on the accident scenario. The woman‘s insurance company that hit me finally accepted 100% liability, but still does not want to pay anything, so filed with my insurance and got a check for my totaled car in 2 weeks...so have a “new” used car :-)

My insurance does not cover medical when it the other person’s fault, so as a last resort had to get a lawyer and they sent me to a doctor. Looks like I just have a lot of swollen tissue in my neck and shoulders causing the 24/7 pain. They have set me up with a physical therapist and according to them I should be as right as rain in a couple of months. Trusting God it won’t be that long. God is good and His mercy endureth forever.

April 20:

Kevin saw His Oncologist yesterday. The good news is his CEA went down even more to 133. The doctor also decided it was likely it is the Neumaga causing so much problems and took him off it. Will try to find something else to build his blood platelets.

Even though Kevin’s blood pressure was pretty high yesterday and he wasn’t feeling good, the doctor ordered another round of chemo. Kevin got really sick and his blood pressure went even higher. By bedtime his bp went down and he was able to hold a little food down, but he was short of breath and so weak he could barely move. I wanted to take him back up to the cancer hospital, but he broke down and cried and made me promise him that I would not let him die in that place. He said he wanted to die at home. Broke my heart in two...how much pain can a heart take before it shatters?

I heard a song the other day by Kerrie Roberts. It was called No Matter What. There is a part that says: Before a heartache can ever touch my life, it has to go through Your hands, and even though I, keep asking why, No matter what, I’m gonna love You, no matter what I’m gonna need You, I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not, I’ll trust you, no matter what, no matter what.

That’s the way I feel. I know God can take away this pain, but if not...I’ll be like Job and fall on my face and worship Him.

May 5:

Kevin had a rough couple of weeks but is feeling better now. Last Tuesday he started passing a lot of blood and with the Avastin he’s on...the Cancer Center set him up for a colonoscopy and EDG Thurs. They found no cancer in his colon or stomach...praise God...and determined the bleeding was from internal hemorrhoids. He was scheduled for chemo this Tues. but he just started feeling better and couldn’t stand the thought of another treatment right now...so rescheduled for next Tues. Believing for an easier time.

Our pastor preached a message the other day about “what things”. He talked about when Jesus joined the two men going to Emmaus and asked them what they were talking about. They asked him if he had not heard what sad things had just happened...and Jesus said “what things?”...all the terrible things he had just endured a couple of days ago were just “things” to him now and not even remembered. He had accomplished what He was supposed to do and none of those “things” could compare with the glory He has now.

You’ve probably noticed in this mini blog that I have been feeling a little overwhelmed lately. With the cancer, my accident, my job...all of it has been a little more than I thought I could stand or understand...but I am beginning to understand that all of these “things” are but just for a little while and cannot even compare with what God has in store for us.

Just today, I was going to lunch and the check engine light came on in the new “used” car we bought. I just had got it out of the shop Monday as the alternator went out in it. When that light came on I just wanted to scream...or cry...or throw something...but then I started thinking about my pastor’s message “What Things”. It just a thing and my God is a great big God who loves me...I’m gonna be alright :-)

Now faith is the substance of things hope for, and the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

May 10:

Yikes. Kevin's blood platelets have tanked. Don't know if he's getting chemo today...waiting on doctor. Looks like they are gonna put him back on the daily Neumaga shots (sigh).

Waiting on rest of lab results...

Just got results. WBC is good. Tumor markers went down from 131 to 112. Everything good but platelets...so no chemo today. Sending Kevin up to Infusion Center for a Neumaga shot and then he has to go in daily for a shot till we get them shipped to our house...then I get to give them to him :-)

God gave me this scripture this morning:That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God. I Corinthians 2:5

So I know everything is going to be alright:-)

Thanks for the prayers!

May 16:

Went to the doctor to finally get released. I told him I was a lot better. He said that was great that it takes most patients a long time to get over an annular tear. What? Man, I have got to listen better to these doctors.

I asked him what that was and he told me it was a tear in my vertabrae just below the 2 I had repaired in 2009. I dont remember him saying anything about a tear when I first seen him. Oh well...God has taken care of it and I am a lot better. Still have pain in my neck and shoulders when I do too much...but still better than a couple of months ago:-)

May 19:

Tuesday, Kevin's blood platelets were still low but up enough main honcho-doctor said he must have a full dose of chemo because it had been 4 weeks since last chemo.

He has been terribly sick since then....worse effects from chemo he has suffered to date. Prayers appreciated...both for his full recovery from these awful side effects and also in a major decision we need to make. A full year of chemo has taken its toll. God told us He is our healer. Maybe it’s time to put our full trust in Him. I know without His mercy and grace, Kevin would not still be alive today. He's a walking miracle and I know he has much more to do for God.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

May 27:

Kevin feels better this week. He went back to work Monday then the rain and storms here in Oklahoma put him back out of work for a couple of days, but that was okay...he needed the rest.

Speaking of the storms...thank you for your prayers...that huge storm that went through Oklahoma Tuesday split when it hit Henryetta and we did not get hit as hard as others here in OK.

My son-in-law is working and living in El Reno. God spared him and his travel trailer from the tornado that hit that town. A friend that works for the same organization that I do, was hit by that tornado in El Reno. His home was completely destroyed, but he is alright. Our prayers are with you, Charles.

Please keep all of the people here in OK, Joplin, and other places that have been hit hard by these terrible storms lately in your prayers.

P.S. Keep Kevin in your prayers as well. He has got to make a decision on what to do about the chemo that is making him so ill. Please pray God will show us what to do and give us peace about it. Thanks!

Your Sister in Christ,

Vickey

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