Christian Humor 2: Christian Jokes and Stories for You to Enjoy!
Gifts of Hearing and Smelling My granddaughter received a watch and perfume for her birthday. Melissa was so excited she pestered everyone all day to look at her watch and smell her perfume. At dinner her mother said, "Honey, I know you're proud of your gifts, but please don't mention them while we eat." All through dinner Melissa sat silently although she sniffed audibly at times and often raised her wrist to listen to her watch. As the meal came to an end, she blurted out, "I'm not supposed to mention it, but if anyone hears anything or smells anything, it's me." —Clara Null, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Christian Reader, "Kids of the Kingdom."
Someone Must Labor During a stay with grandparents, my five-year-old niece Michaela pulled corn on a neighbor's farm for the first time. Her grandparents used the experience as a teaching tool, explaining to Michaela that the corn was God's blessing to them. At first, the work was great fun, but after only a few minutes Michaela looked at her grandmother and commented, "You know you can buy this in the grocery store, don't you?" Dana C. Stephens, Griffin, Georgia, "Kids of the Kingdom," Christian Reader (July/August 2000)
Eggs-itement One day, my five-year-old daughter, Tori, helped me put away groceries. She didn't know I'd purchased brown eggs instead of the usual white. When Tori opened the carton, her eyes widened in amazement and she exclaimed, "Look, Mommy, whole wheat eggs!" —Jami Hemmenway, Illinois. Today's Christian Woman, Vol. 18, no. 4.
The Things Our Children Say ...My friend asked our grandson when he would turn 6. He replied, "When I'm tired of being 5." Seeing her first hailstorm, Mary Sue, age 3, exclaimed, "Mommy, it's raining dumplings!" As I frantically waved away a pesky fly with a white dishtowel, my granddaughter observed, "Maybe he thinks you're surrendering." When I asked our grandson if he could name the capital of Florida, he fired right back, "capital F." While shampooing our son, 4, I noted his hair was growing so fast he'd soon need it cut. He replied, "Maybe we shouldn't water it so much." My daughter told her 5-year-old that their van was going to be fixed. Instantly, the small fry assumed, "Oh, it's going to the tire-o-practor?" His mom informed her son, Brian, that she was going outside to get a little sun. "But Mommy, he gulped, "You already have a son...me!" Ways To Get Your Teenager To Mow The Yard Hide his car keys out there somewhere. Four bags o'grass = one tank o'gas. Lightly spray paint an embarrassing message about your teen on the lawn. "Well, there's only one way to get rid of it, son...." Put a video game controller on the lawn mower handle. "If you don't, I will ... in Bermuda shorts with black socks and dress shoes." 
Choose Your WeaponNine-year-old Aaron came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Aaron, "I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons." "Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair." "I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!" Commitment Means Work Though skeptical of his teenage son's newfound determination to build bulging muscles, one father followed his teenager to the store's weight-lifting department, where they admired a set of weights. "Please, Dad," pleaded the teen, "I promise I'll use 'em every day." "I don't know, Michael. It's really a commitment on your part," the father said. "Please, Dad?" "They're not cheap either," the father said. "I'll use 'em, Dad, I promise. You'll see." Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed for the door. After a few steps, he heard his son behind him say, "What! You mean I have to carry them to the car?" —Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List; submitted by Mark Moring, managing editor of Campus Life More Christian Jokes and Stories for You to Enjoy!
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