Grandma Requested Not to Sing

I decided to put in a little humor in the middle of all this serious financial business. I'll add to it from time to time...so check back often.

For this first set...I picked ones that reminded me of my grandkids, especially the one about grandma singing. God blessed me with some talents...but singing definitely isn't one of them.

(My grandaughter...isn't she cute!)

One night while rocking and trying to sing my granddaughter to sleep, she slipped her little hand up and covered my mouth and said “Top mawmaw...without even opening her eyes...I just hum to her now.

Can't Hurt to Ask

My granddaughter, Hannah, begged me long-distance to come help her celebrate her sixth birthday. Unable to resist, I made my plans to join the family.

When we sat down for the birthday dinner, my son asked Hannah if she would like to bless the food on her birthday. "Oh, yes, Daddy," she said.

She closed her eyes and began, "Dear Lord, thank you for Mommy and this good food she fixed. Thank you for letting Grandma come here today."

Pausing momentarily, Hannah opened her eyes to peek at me before she continued. "And please Lord, let us have a good time at Toys 'R' Us this afternoon."

—Agnes Goddard, Oceanside, Calif. "Lite Fare," Christian Reader.

A Child Questions Baptism

Our three-year-old daughter, Rena, sat with us during the baptismal service last Sunday night, which was a new experience for her.

She exclaimed in surprise, "Why did he push that guy in the water? Why, Dad, why?" My wife tried to explain briefly and quietly, but Rena just wouldn't be satisfied.

Later that night we tried to provide an answer that a child's mind could comprehend. We talked about sin and told Rena that when people decide to live for Jesus and "do good" they want everyone to know.

We then explained that water symbolizes Jesus' washing people from sin; when they come out "clean," they are going to try to be "good." A moment later, we realized we'd have to work on our explanation a bit.

Rena had immediately responded, "Why didn't Pastor Bob just spank him?"

—Bob Beasley, pastor of Gregory Drive Alliance Church, West Chatham, Ontario, Canada Dr. Watson Misses the Obvious

Grandma Requested Not to Sing

I was playing Christmas carols on the piano for my four-year-old great-granddaughter, Natalie. When I played "Away in a Manger," I thought she would enjoy hearing the words, so I started to sing as I played. After just a few words, I felt her hand on my arm, and as I looked down at her, she said, "Just let the piano sing it, Grandma."

—Aurlette Driver, Christian Reader (November/December 2003), p. 11

New Look Grand Dad

I have always had a beard.

One day, I decided to shave it off. I came into the room where my 3 year old granddaughter Tiffany was and asked her, "Notice anything different?"

To which she replied, "No," with a puzzled look on her face.

I then said to her, "My beard's gone."

Now the puzzled look disappeared and the innocent eyes appeared when she said "I didn't take it!"

"Who am I?"

The little boy who had been playing in the back yard all morning came through the kitchen door and said to his mother, "Who am I?"

His mother thought she was supposed to play some kind of guessing game and said, "Oh, I think you must be Tarzan."

"I guess Mrs. Wilson was right, he said. "She said I was so dirty that my own mother wouldn't recognize me."

Mom's Sign

Here is a little sign mom might want to print out and hang up on the bathroom door.

Attention Children: The Bathroom Door is Closed.

Please do not stand here and talk, whine, or ask questions. Wait until I get out.

Yes, it is locked. I want it that way. It is not broken, I am not trapped. I know I have left it unlocked, and even open at times, since you were born, because I was afraid some horrible tragedy might occur while I was in here, but it's been 10 years and I want some PRIVACY.

Do not ask me how long I will be. I will come out when I am done.

Do not bring the phone to the bathroom door.

Do not go running back to the phone yelling, "She's in the BATHROOM!"

Do not begin to fight as soon as I go in.

Do not stick your little fingers under the door and wiggle them. This was funny when you were two, but not now.

Do not slide pennies, Legos, or notes under the door. Even when you were two this got a little tiresome.

If you have followed me down the hall talking, and are still talking as you face this closed door, please turn around, walk away, and wait for me in another room. I will be glad to listen to you when I am done.

And yes, I still love you.

(signed) Mom

Click here for more Christian jokes and stories!

Recommended Reading and Products:

Humor for a Mom's Heart: Stories, Quips, and Quotes to By American Book Company Just the thing to brighten Mom's day! With contributions from authors such as Chonda Pierce, Mark Lowry, Martha Bolton, and others, this collection of stories is sure to amuse and inspire. The perfect way to relax and enjoy a little peace after a crazy, stressed-out day or get energized for the days ahead! Paperback.

The Awesome Book of Heavenly Humor: Inspirational Jokes, Quotes, and Cartoons By Bob Phillips & Jonny Hawkins / Harvest House Publishers Veteran laugh-masters Bob Phillips and Jonny Hawkins have teamed up to give readers a lighthearted look at some of the antics that abound in the church. This collection of jokes, quotes, and cartoons, alphabetized and indexed from Abel to Zacchaeus, will be an invaluable resource for readers who want to freshen their bulletins, newsletters, speeches, or sermons--or just lighten their load with some good clean fun.

Just Hand Over the Chocolate and No One Will Get Hurt By Karen Scalf Linamen / Baker She was the Love Doctor in Pillow Talk and the family guru in Happily Ever After. Now Karen Linamen is mixing up a brew of joy potions in Just Hand Over the Chocolate and No One Will Get Hurt. People everywhere understand the importance of chocolate in a woman's life. Like chocolate, these stress busters, hope builders, and joy boosters will have women feeling better in no time. Hand Over the Chocolate deals with a woman's emotional, physical, and spiritual needs, offering the same combination of humor and practical wisdom Linamen's fans have come to love. Linamen also openly shares her struggle with depression, providing women with ideas for starting on the path toward emotional health. You'll soon be laughing out loud and embracing the motto "Less stress, more fun!" as you try the ideas in this joy-enhancement manual. Appropriate as a pick-me-up gift for any woman who is in a rut, is stressed out, or has just eaten an entire box of chocolates in one sitting, every page is packed with laughs and encouragement, without a single calorie included.

A Piece Of My Mind CD By Chonda Pierce / Ino Records/m2.0 Communication The latest laugh-fest from Chonda Pierce is for anybody who has nearly exploded with exasperation---and then seen the funny side of daily life! With true stories that nobody would dare to invent, one of America's most hilarious ladies will have you holding your sides with her trademark humor and down-to-earth insights on shopping, diets, menopause, raising kids, and more.

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